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April 21st, 2009
03:55 am - it's like trying to clean the ocean, what, do you think you can drain it?
well, here i am, back in the dank dark dungeon that is livejournal, the place in which i write my angsty woes down poetically. i haven't made a post (public nor private) in several months, perhaps a year...
i've been rather pensive tonight, perhaps because i haven't been taking my medicine, and i'm feeling slightly paranoid that ads kept popping up everytime i clicked the username text box in an attempt to login....anyhoo
life is certainly very different from the last time i wrote you, o livejournal. i've a new boyfriend, who happens to have tendencies and the personality which are totally opposite of those of my ex, which was unintended...i'm doing better in school, i've gained back all the weight i lost, i've started doing art again, and i'm finding many things about myself and my surroundings that i will be changing soon.
O putrid prison to my poisonous thoughts, i plead to perturb you once more, if you'd please free my idle brain bursts from your keep, i'd be forever grateful. lol, who new livejournal entry writing could be so much fun? i love how no one will read this despite being a public journal...unless there is a creeper out there...
where was i, oh yes,
O lovely listener, lend your ear once more as i spill my ever forming cranial manifestations from my frittering fingertips.
I feel as though i've become a very fickle person. i'm cynical, yet i have started raising my expectations of people, despite having given up on people long ago. I change my mind and heart at teh drop of a hat now, i am too fluid in my personality, am too adaptable. For one friend i am person A, for another, i am person E etc. overall, i'm too passive, too peace-seeking. i must stop this, where are my roots that had been so firmly planted in my beliefs? where are they retreating to in a time where i need them most? when i am growing so much closer to teh sky, have they shrivelled and dried? this is most dangerous as one is most likely to fail without a sound foundation. One moment i'm utterly in love, then next i'm furious, the next i'm indifferent. one moment i'm fasting, withstaining, another i'm gorging and quiet slothly. has my will become so fragile, so concerned with keeping the peace? am i here only to entertain those around me? why don't you entertain me? put on your shows and your plays, convince me of your worth instead of the other way around. For, i know i am worthy, but am unsure of yours, yet why must i seek you out? Do i care still? Do i pretend not to care? Where am i seeking to escape? From what am i escaping. oooo i'm so philosophical...duh duh duhhhhhh.
But yeah, i gotta change some bad habits, really soon.
i gotta get in touch with myself, the person who i thought i hated but secretly loved. I certainly do not love myself now.
I really ought to take my medicines, i hope nothing drastic will take place as a consequence.
meh, and here i go, after being so very pensive, i'm rather apathetic and wondering why i began writing here in the first place. and so, i say peace out yo.
Current Location: in my room
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/punquinheads/pink/tired.gif) all over the place
Current Music: random shtuff
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February 21st, 2008
06:02 pm - You Give Me Fever *snap snap*
So, today concludes the last day i am excused from school by the hospital note...so...i'm skipping tomorrow at my own risk...which i don't mind, since i still feel horrible...
Don't go to Mercer Hospital...it's creepy and dirty, but at least the staff is pretty nice, or at least my RN was. His name was either Harry or Larry, i couldn't hear too well since he had a bit of a speech impediment, but he was cool. we talked about his tattoos while he finished giving me more IV fluids.
Damn...my fingers are going numb...
anyhoo...
being home isn't that bad this time...still isn't that fun, and i feel bad for leaving my side of the room back at the dorm in such disarray, but at least i've attempted to get some work done here.
I wish i'd stop being dizzy...and weak and achy...bleh...
I wish wish wish i was an art major
i should have gone to MICA or Uarts or Risdie or however you spell it. I wanna draw and paint and paint and draw, and maybe sculpt a little.
I STILL HAVEN"T EVEN LEARNED PHOTOGRAPHY!!! WTF?!
I think i'm gonna start planning some more projects, if i ever decide to be motivated ever again...
I was thinking of doing a photo-realistic study of some childhood objects, either done as a classic still like with just one object, or as a dynamic set up that carries something else across. like, something left behind.
Considered mediums...colored pencil, acrylic.
I got this idea when i was walking into my bathroom and i saw an old whistle of mine from when i was a little kid just sitting on my desk...it was a fake plastic gold with fake fuchia jems, it made me smile.
Oh, the new layout, the image on the side is by a Japanese fabric artist named Ai Kijima. If anyone reads this, i highly recommend you check out the gallery on his/her site.
anyhoo...i really really need to do my calc....augh...
i can't stop thinking...
i can't stop thinking of you.
May the heavens help me.
I'm hooked on you.<3
*EDIT*
Scratch the part about home not being too bad. get me out of here.
now.
Current Location: home room
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/punquinheads/pink/sick.gif) sick
Current Music: none
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February 5th, 2008
07:16 pm - I'm a New Soul, i came to this strange world...
Ooo
another post!
guess what that means? PROCRASTINATION!!! WOoo
yeah...
i really really should be doing calc...
and possibly somethign else...but oh wells...plus i'm waiting for my nails to dry...
i'm wearing earrings again...i don't want the holes to close up...so...earrings it is!
i really love art...i can't stop thinking about drawing...and wanting to be inspired to draw. I wanna travel and be so moved that i have no choice but to create. Here...there is nothing moving...it feels stagnant here. So...i did a little drawing of koi fish for a binder book mark i made...
that way...i can keep track of where the professor is...and where she leaves off.
i like chem...chem is pretty good so far...i can understand the teacher, i have a nice lab partner, i hope things stay this way.
physics, i'm a little dead in that class...i just don't have my brain there...it's not that it's hard...i'm just so out of it during that class...i don't even know why.
Art history...is...SO boring...there is a reason why i only took the minimum history requirement in high school...I can't stand history! slides click by, lights are off, dead people are reviewed...and i fall asleep.
Mmmm....music...i love music so much. it is my life blood...mmm...
i think i'm done ranting incoherently to no one for the day! peace out yo! XD
Current Location: my chair
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/punquinheads/pink/mellow.gif) calm
Current Music: American Analog Set--Know By Heart
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February 2nd, 2008
07:36 pm - But She's Plagued With Urgency...
hmm... this is my first public update in a while...so...HI! *waves to no one*
college semester number 2!! some good things have happened, some bad.
art has been in my mind a lot...i really wish i could go to an art school...but engineering will be fine for now.
my classes are pretty good...and i really like most of most of my professors.
i lost five more pounds...but i dunno how that will look tomorrow morning. hah
oh wells.
new friends are being made...but i need to keep up old friendships better.
My boyfriend and his brothers and i did the super smash brothers melee Black hole glitch yesterday, it was fucking awesome!
it was *crazy indescribable sound effects* and *more crazy sound effects, only accompanied by hand gestures now*.
Fucking awesome, and now i have a new found love for turnips. ;-D
i'm very much addicted to music...i can't stop listening and playlist-ing and such.
Things have been rapidly changing...and i'm kinda scared...i hope things work out in the end...
"OH-ah-oohh, wouldn't cha know?"
peace out.
Current Location: dorm
Current Mood: complacent
Current Music: Julian Coryell--Asshole
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August 23rd, 2007
11:31 pm - And it's time, and you want to get away
So concludes my first day as a college student. I'm typing from my dorm. The room is compact and unpacked, heh, um, it's just a little boring right now.
My room-mate is really nice, we made and signed a contract thingy, so everything looks right now like it'll be ok.
Classes start tuesday. I got all my heavy books
Family visiting on sunday to drop off a few things.
I'm finally on my own. I've never be away from home alone before! This will certainly be interesting.
I've just done a bunch of firsts, one of them, take a shower in a communal shower stall, which was interesting. The water pressure is really high. Not that it really matters.
YAY!!
what a day, i'm so tired. I've got an essay to write for the 27th, that everyone else already wrote. bleah. thats on the last day of welcome week.
So, signing off, bye.
Current Location: at my new desk
Current Mood: calm
Current Music: Modest Mouse--the View
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August 1st, 2007
03:10 pm - Hooked to the silver screen
So...this summer, i'm been at the Cinema a lot.
License to wed, actually, it was great. It wasn't mushy except for one or two parts, it was mainly about the comedy. Mandy Moore has seriously improved her acting.
Transformers? effing awesome. Light was gorgeous, composition was dynamic, cinematography was definitly action-y, CGI, amazing. Action was so awesome. And the last line of teh movie was classic... so awesome. My heart was pounding from all the action.
Hairspray was a feel good movie, i was smiling from beginning to end. The colors, the music, Zack Effron, all awesome! Don't forget John Travolta, he did pretty good considering the nature of the role. I loved it.
Music:
60s 70s music.
Bought Pink Moon by Nick Drake and it is lovely. acoustic guitar is gorgeous and his voice is so, earthy, or low and bluesy. Just a great album.
yay
Interesting summer, calc is going well.
I just bought the Civil War Series, yay!
Current Location: here
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/punquinheads/pink/thoughtful.gif) thoughtful
Current Music: none
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July 14th, 2007
11:01 am - Sh-Sh-Shake
i got a 5 on my AP art exam.
Current Location: the cave
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/punquinheads/pink/worried.gif) nervous
Current Music: wirring of my external hard-drive
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July 2nd, 2007
09:25 pm
Ok...i did something i feel weird about... i joined facebook. bleh, and i just can't get that bad taste out of my mouth. I can't even join my high school network. i'm sad.
Classic rock 60s 70s rock/pop mode. yay. New phase...
Why does my house smell like burnt cheese suddenly...or is it soggy french fries... ewwwwww.
K bye.
Current Location: the lair
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/punquinheads/pink/blah.gif) must do calc
Current Music: Zombies
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June 20th, 2007
08:40 am - Cut off your hair, Straighten your curls...
GAHHHH, i got a haircut, or rather was forced to by my mother...so now i have a really short creepy hairdo. bleh. Took too long to make it look slightly decent. Grrrr, my mom says "IT LOOKS ADORABLE!!!" It does not. no
I have a demented Amelié haircut.
Only without the bangs and weirdness underneath in the back.
Wah, she couldn't have waited until after graduation!! WAH
You should see how great or adorable it looks when curly. Oh yes, the beauty is unimaginable.
I'm so upset
Ok, done complaining.
Sorry 'bout that.
I have to get ready. I got an exam to take, no i'm not stupid, even Justin and LT are taking it. Stupid Honors English, i shoulda taken AP
Boy, i'm really fitting into that "i'm gonna write about this in my LJ" stereotype...
kbye
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/punquinheads/pink/grumpy.gif) meh
Current Music: the hum of the computer
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June 9th, 2007
06:44 pm - We have a Mystery on Our Hands...
Aww...so the art show ended, and AP students received art reviews on their art. I got 4 or 5 reviews, which was very flattering.
However, Ms. Jeffery cut the names off the author of the reviews.
I was only interested in the name of one of the reviews though. It mentioned why i chose a glamor concentration and noted how i was the only "AP student with music" at my panels.
I was very flattered. I really wanna know who wrote this. I didn't think i told many people why i did glamor instead of illustration.
Many people liked the music for my panels.
The art show went by quickly. Other than being totally awkward, i got to go out for coffee with some girls who graduated last year right afterwards! We all got to catch up and have some laughs! I had a blast, i'm so sad the art show is over now!
Two weeks until graduation!
On a totally different note, i've downloaded some Rancid, which i really like. Planet Smashers are growing on me. I also REALLy like Beirut, and Man Man and Feist.
So, this year i've expanded my music to:
Ska, Rockabilly, 1950s, Punk Rock, Español music, and Pop,
I further looked into some of my favorites: 90s/Grunge, Classic, and Indie Rock.
Under the Red Hot Moon.
Peace.
Current Location: here
Current Mood: content
Current Music: Tribulations: LCD Soundsystem
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milesaway52's journal